Billboard Top 40 Report Card by B. Featherstone

Review #1 October 31, 2007

1) Soulja Boy “Crank That (Soulja Boy)”
Soulja Boy upeenit whoooa wabbleyleenit wabbney whoop?!!? Do not want. D-

2) Chris Brown “Kiss, Kiss”
Catchy chorus and semi-danceable beat **POSITIVITY ENDS HERE** The verses are corny and the digitization is annoying. T-Pain sucks. Nappy Boy and Pretty Boy? Both should suck on a stick of STFU. D+

3) Timbaland “Apologize”
Why is this song a hit? Who is it appealing to? I can’t decipher if it’s an emo track. A sensitive soft-rock song? An r&b jam? Something you make love to your old lady to? Lame, whack, and all of the above. I’m not feeling it at all and I LIKE Timbaland. F

4) Alicia Keys “No One”
Why is she screaming? It’s not even one minute into the song and already her voice is going hoarse. Alicia, that’s when you know that style of singing sucks for you. The song is ok, but Alicia has done better. C+

5) Colbie Caillat “Bubbly”
Decent song, I don’t object to it. Her vocals are a bit humdrum and boring. She could add a bit of variety to her vocal style. B-

6) Feist “1,2,3,4”
LOL. Unique song and I like that. C+

7) Kanye West "Good Life"
Oh hai, T-Pain I see you’re back! Guess what? I still want you to STFU. F

8) Kanye West “Stronger”
When I first heard about this song I didn’t want to like it because it samples Daft Punk’s “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” and I loooooooove that song. Honestly I don’t understand the trend of rappers wanting to sample DP lately. Where’s this idea coming from? And most importantly would’ve thunk rappers would be listening to Daft Punk? At any rate this song is hot and definitely a hit. Every time I step into the club I anticipate shaking my ass to it. A

9) Rihanna “Hate I Love You”
Whiny, nasally Rihanna. I don’t understand why this chick just doesn’t model and leave behind the music career. Why must she subject the world to those wretched vocals? My ears, they bleed! Do not want. F

10) Lifehouse “First Time”
These guys are still around? Cool. The lead singer is hot now. B